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It is not in the stars to hold our destiny

but in ourselves

about me




October 6th, 2007

being an adult sucks

for those of you I cannot see every day....

I just wanted to say I miss you. I hope all is well. comment back, let me know how you are. Chicago is okay, I guess. Unseasonably warm (not that I'm complaining) and weird, I guess.

I have the full year here, and then we'll see. I may move out further west, which would be an ultimate drag in terms of seeing you all sooner and more frequently, but I don't know if Chicago is the place for me like, in the GRAND SCHEME of things.

Anyway, just wanted to post this and let you know I'm thinking of you. I miss you guys(and gals) something terrible. truly.

July 15th, 2007

I'm Joshua Abraham Norton, the first and only Emperor of the United States of America!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

I think i have single handedly funded the breast cancer foundation with all the pink shit I buy.

yesterday, I bought my sister this portable speaker thingy that plugs into your Ipod so you can walk around with and stuff....and it took AAA batteries...so I went to the front counter to buy some.

Guess what kind they had???? PINK ONES!
YEP! Proceeds go to the breast cancer foundation! AWESOME!
hahaha. I have pink batteries! WHAT????

Yeah, along with my pink boxing gloves, my new pink jersey bedsheets and a pink portable speaker thingy for MY ipod.....I'm all set.

I'm moving to chicago looking like a giant wad of cotton candy.


July 8th, 2007

Just in case I'm unable to speak today, like....literally, physically unable....

YTE (or YSC, or whatever) has been one of the greatest experiences of my life, and has been something I've cherished and look forward to every summer.

Even with the drama, and the bullshit and the whatever, it was still an awesome experience.

These last few years have been so bizarre and have stretched  the capacity of what I thought this camp could be.

From the terrible to the mundane to the brilliant, I am thankful.

I started to think about starting my own camp, somewhere down the road. And these summers have given me so much to work off of. I have a better understanding of what I'd want to see occur in my own camp, and certainly what I wouldn't want.

I'm going to miss you all so much. Even if trips to Chicago are made or trips back down to bloomington....
it's still not the same. But I'll cherish any visits we may have!

I know a lot of you are moving on as well.....good for you. It's bittersweet and strange to say goodbye, but find new things. Find new camps (should you choose) and new people. You'll always have YTE, and no one can ever replace you.

I hope I've given you all something. I hope I've made some  impact on your life somehow....even if you just remember me as this bitchy, short counselor.....(no, seriously, I hope that's NOT how you'll remember me)

and I hope I've done more than just provide you with costumes every year :)
as fun as that aspect is and was.....

I love you. Thank you for coming back, year after year. And thank you for making such an impact on my life.
I'm truly grateful and amazed and impressed and proud of you all.

much love

June 10th, 2007

Seeing as I'm no expert, I suppose it's a little hyperbolic to call these "tips", but it's advice anyway...things I've done in the past to get myself in a better mood and kill of any pesky audition anxiety.

1. I eat something small and fairly bland. That way, my stomach doesn't suddenly growl but I'm so full that I feel sluggish and sleepy.

2. I try to read the entire play beforehand. I'm getting to be a bigger stickler about this, but IF for some CRAZY reason, you haven't had the chance to read the entire thing and all you have are the audition sides to go on, here's a less stress method;

Read over the sides at least three times, BY YOURSELF. You never know who you'll be paired with (if the side requires more than one person) and it also helps for concentration.  When you do go in to read, if you're really unfamiliar, just listen. Don't take ridiculous pauses, but no one will judge you if your cues are not like lightning during an audition. I'd rather an actor know what they're saying than be flashy.

3. Try to socialize A LITTLE BIT. Like I said above about the reading the sides by yourself, sandwich your prep time in between brief conversation. Don't overdue one or the other. Too much studying, you'll drive yourself crazy and overanalyze the script. Too much socializing, and you've broken your concentration.

4. KEEP WATER HANDY. It clears your throat, calms you down, and if the weather's hot, you'll want it anyway.

5. BREATHE and LAUGH. Keep an open mind and don't take yourself  too seriously. Anything can happen at an audition. You may think it sucked when the director loved it, and vice versa. you may be asked to read a role you didn't audition for or didn't have in mind. KICK ASS AT EVERY THING THE DIRECTOR GIVES YOU TO READ!  Why would you do that if you're reading a role you don't want? BECAUSE, as an ensemble, director's are looking for the most respectful, responsible and adaptable actors as well as the most suited for each role. If you go into read for a part and you're visibly annoyed or you "throw" your audition cause you could give a shit less, the director will know. Trust me....they'll know.

6. TAKE IT ALL IN STRIDE and KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE. I realize that in a camp atmosphere, everyone knows they'll be cast in some part. But what kind of teacher would I be if I didn't remind you of the reality. IN ANOTHER AUDITION, you won't necessarily have that luxury. If you're cast in a role that you weren't expecting (or perhaps, didn't want) take it in stride. Cause in another audition, if you threw a tantrum because you didn't get cast in the role you wanted....you won't even have the role you didn't like anymore.

Look at it this way;
You have a role. There, art thou happy?

Experience is experience is experience and so on. The people who piss and moan about getting large roles are the same ones complaining a week later about how many lines they have to memorize....
and I've never understood the attitude of  " I didn't want this role".  Count yourselves lucky that we don't hold auditions to actually be IN the camp. This is a learning experience that has a lot of "real world" benefits but it is still slightly skewed. Bottom line: A good attitude will get you everywhere, and it'll save you a lot of stress in the end.

And for what it's worth, (I'll speak for myself ) I'm here to talk if anyone wants to. I know it's easier said than done to just "get over it" when you don't get a role you really wanted, but you kind of have to. Cause once that cast list is posted, you have a job to do. You gotta tell a story, as a team, and tell it to the best of your abilities. And there's small choice in rotten apples.


June 7th, 2007

hey campers....you ready?

May 1st, 2007

this is just an update.

    I bought a theory book for the show. ( you can razz me later)
    Joined "THEFUSELAGE" to discuss theories and etc. ( you can razz me now.)

    Seriously, trying to move while planning for the camp is ridiculous! But it's good. It's...it's gonna be good.
    Yard Sales out the wahzoo! Which leads to me a shameless plug:

The Sisters Bruce present:
                    SATURDAY, MAY 5th. ALL DAY!

Need furniture? Need lamps? Need costumes? Need anything in between? WE'VE GOT IT!



2008 Windsor Dr.
Off of S. High Street.

and YSC planning is nearing completion folks.......
scripts will be available soon, costumes are beginning to emerge and in little over a month, we'll begin the 6th year of glorious ol' shakespeare camp. whoo!

April 19th, 2007

LOST was....

SOOOOOOO effin rad tonight.

i'm talkin', screamin, crying at the television good.

Top Model on the other hand.....they disappoint me.

ahh, the bliss of my wednesday night programs. haha.

in other news, YTE (oh, excuse me....YSC. I'll never get used to that) lesson plans are nearing completion.

of course, prrofreads and experiments will need to be conducted, to make sure they're clear and actually teachable.

and costumes have begun to take shape in my mind.

this should be an interesting year for the camp. heh.

April 6th, 2007

March 7th, 2007

approximately 20 donation bags, one 15 foot roll of green vinyl, a dead boombox, a shedding wicker basket, and 12 trash bags later.....


but we have made visible progress...which is a relief, believe you me.

And the laundry is DONE! I can't believe it! There ain't a stich of dirty clothes in our house! I finished it all and folded everything nicely (with the few fitted sheet exceptions, I'll never learn how to fold those things....c'est la vie).

Next up...the attic and crawl spaces. I'm not looking forward to those. We have two. An "attic", which is really just an above ground crawl space, conspicuously located above the kitchen...and then the underground one, via the furnace room. Yeah...it's dark and musty and creepy and about 3 feet high, which, while I am probably more comfortable than most people who try to climb around in there, is still a literal pain in the ass.

and god knows what is even in there anymore......ay yi yi.

oh yeah, I rented the first complete season of BEVERLY HILLS 90210...haven't seen that show in forever.

ummm yeah, acting wasn't always awesome....but Luke Perry and Shannen Doherty were HOT together, that is all.

March 3rd, 2007

After having blitz'd my room and closet, and now car.....I have managed to throw away, donate, etc......over 5 trash bags worth...and the number is still growing.

And yet, I still own a ridiculous amount of stuff. I don't understand it.

Something else I can't seem to comprehend....I keep getting sick. I've never been this prone to illness before. And I'm not normally worried or paranoid about recurring sickness...but now I am.  Although, being sick has allowed my sleep schedule to finally resume a somewhat "normal" existence.

I love cleaning and rearranging my room, it feels like I get a fresh start. I find and rediscover things that have been hidden and buried beneath the clutter and filth.....haha. And my floor! I can actually see my floor! HA! who knew! I almost fogot I had carpeted floors! yeesh....

I'm a total nerd, but organizing my books was my favorite part. And I realized, my Shakespeare collection....is ridiculous. I grew up with all these books around me, all these theatre books and plays that my mom and dad had collected over their years.....

now, having inherited them essentially, I never understood how someone could collect that many books. But sure enough, I have my very own stash....haha.

But, with reorganizing, comes responsibility. I realized how many bills I still have to pay off....having now filed them all into folders  and made notes for myself.....It sucks.

I just want to pay everything off right now and be free and clear. AGH!

Quick side note: I've already started collecting and drafting costumes for YTE. That's been a bizarre return. I was apprehensive at first, but now that I'm knee deep in research, I remember how much fun it is.

Oh yeah, a few other things I've realized in cleaning out my life( basically):

I own a lot of pink clothing. I mean....A LOT.

I have a ridiculous amount of empty cd cases.

I trust SNAPE. (Found the sticker I received after reserving the 7th HP book)

I own a lot of that "stitch witchery" tape....I don't know why....

Few of my favorite movies are dramatic. ( There might be a deeper, psychological reason for this, but I have yet to explore it.)

I still have all these Marx Bros movies that I haven't returned. (I rented them for the 12th Night production I was in last year)

OH YEAH! That reminds me...I saw 12th Night at IU.

Beautifully directed show.....I must say. The acting....was split for me. There were some folks that did an amazing job, and others that I felt were completely miscast.

12th night is not an easy show. It seems like it could be, given that it's a comedy....but it's s ubtle comedy. That's not to say that the comedy itself is LITERALLY subtle.....not at all...in fact, some of the bits are so low brow and slapstick, you'd have to be in a coma not to find the funny.

however, 12th night is one of Shakespeare's more....cerebral comedies, if that's fair to say. It's intellectual, almost snobbish about some of it's humor.

I think a fair equivalent would be....Monty Python, for instance. That's the vein of humor it rides.

12th night is not necessarily an easy show to immediately understand, nor is the theme or central idea. And certain characters, say Feste, for instance, are difficult to catergorize.

Now, as sometimes happens in this show, the subplot of Malvolio being duped by Maria, Toby, Andrew, Fabian and Feste...was awesome. Best part of the show for me...

I think it's also fair to say....that how a director stages the curtain call says a lot. The entire cast was present for one singular bow.

When you have a show where your leads have not led the show perhaps as strongly as they should have, and your supporting cast has taken the reigns.....or perhaps that everyone turned in a superior performance.......you should have a fullcast bow.

However, in this particular production, certain actors deserved their own bow. They worked for it. It was a shame that I, as an audience member, wasn't able to show my appreciation for individual actors in particular.

More and more, and I am so grateful for this, I am cultivating what it is that makes a good actor. This is all my opinion of course, but it's an opinion that drives my own work ethic and credo. I can only hope I display that when I perform.

You are there to tell a story. The play is for the audience. If you break it down, all you need is an actor and an audience.

You don't need costumes, or lights, or a stage even! You could even go without a script sometimes!  Just, tell the story.

That's why I've never embraced certain method acting practices. They become too self indulgent and keep the actor preoccupied with themselves rather than with the story.

It suddenly becomes all about what the actor was feeling and why or how they did certain things to achieve a particular state of being onstage. Not, how the character was reacting or if their actions were appropriate to the story.

It's not an easy concept to write about or discuss, to be sure....and everyone has their own path, and sure, some method actors still draw out good performances....albeit, somewhat self indulgent ones....

Now, this is not to say that a certain degree of believability is frowned upon. No, no, no. I totally dig actors that want a degree of authenticity. And if that means understanding and experiencing the things that the character has, go for it. Just...don't do it onstage. Save that octave of realism for research.

For example; if you have to play a drunken character onstage.......by all means, experience the sensation of being drunk on your own time. Don't get drunk before you go onstage. Why? Why would you do that? Because the character is drunk? So you can more fully experience your character? Fuck that. That is selfish, self involved acting. For obvious reasons, you've now impaired yourself completely to perform.

Another example.....is injuring yourself in some way. I've seen actors rehearsing for a scene where they had like, a gash in the palm of their hand. Well, you know what an actor friend of mine did? He actually cut himself! Yeah, carved a nice chunk into his palm during the scene so he'd be able to react accordingly.

Brilliant? NO! STUPID! Great...so he's really crying.....cause he's really bleeding.....and now he has several options; continue bleeding onstage, uncontrollable and realistic crying, a numbing sensation that allows him to  constantly clench his fist,  shortness of breath,  and so on.

Wow.  Yeah, that affectively helped tell the story.  Now you have an actor who is SO FAR OUT of the scene, because he's no longer thinking about the story or the character...no. He's thinking about the pain  in his hand....or the  ridiculous idea of how cool it looks that he actually  cut himself for real (god forbid).

Yeah, granted...two extreme examples. But they happen. And no good can come from that amount of realism. Theatre isn't real. Theatre is hyper real.

Even realism plays....they shouldn't exhibit life as it REALLY is....that'd be boring. That wouldn't tell a provocative story. In life, there is no clear cut conflict. In theatre, there is. Even in realism plays...there is still a set conflict...making the realism, heightened.

Yeesh...I'm done ranting for now. More later. peace.
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